I can't just pretend to be cool and put together, when I'm needy and I need you

If I were really cool, a perfect case of what people want,
I'd act like a fool to draw people in
I'd use my mannerisms as a clever fetching tool,
And reap the rewards of my good intent.

When I realize how I'm evil inside,
The greatest sin would be to mask that.
If I drew you in under a set of lies,
Would you be water, and I'd be a hand-woven basket?

An amateur trapeze artist,
You might take a leap of faith onto me
I'm a safety net with a huge gaping hole
And if the light is right, you might not see

The big gaping hole you're about to fall through
Quick! Someone turn on the lights
Illuminate with truth and love
And turn away those wrong or right

It matters not how adaptable you may believe yourself to be,
If there's a big hole you fall through,
You better look for a tree!

Or a close friend to cushion the fall,
My gaping hole knows no repair
You can run away and think of me not at all,
I wouldn't even care.

I might long to be with you,
That longing might be months or years,
But what if you stayed and let me hurt you more?
That's really my greatest fear.

I always say let there be light!
Embrace my whole, don't look away.
See me for what I am inside
And consider what might be at stake.

Is there enough of me in you
That you know how it is to need?
Is there enough of you in me
That I can conform easily

And take what I have, and **** it out,
Give a sales pitch every word I speak?
And then the truest inner self
Would just be who I want to be?

I'm not like that, the me I aspire for
Is within me, but that's my appearance.
The me I fear and hide you from
Is over there on clearance.

Ask what I can do right,
And get charged an enormous amount
Ask me what I can do wrong
The price, in cents, on your fingers, you can count.

It's all for sale! It's all for the better,
Me showing you what's what in here.
If you don't drown, you'll be much wetter
When you experience what I fear

There's no masking it! I won't fool you!
I would never commit such an injustice
I love you so much, I want for you,
To be spared of life's offers roughest

I save such time! Yet waste so much,
On fools who don't know my bad side.
If all is well that ends swiftly,
Let me bring us to demise.

I'm so happy I saw my darkness
And learned the importance of shedding light.
Don't ever only see my goodness,
and don't ever let me waste your life.