Sometimes I just stare blankly at my wall
Looking at the emptiness of my hands
I am expressionless as I try to count the grains of sand
But they are long gone

How was I supposed to know
how ******* impossible it is to hold on to sand

******* sand

When something hurts
people always say
"This hit me like a ton of bricks."
Like a car running directly into a solid wall
It is completely totaled
But the car stops immediately when this happens
No one considers the lifeless bones in the body inside of the ******* car are still going 60 miles per hour
And you wonder why I can't get over this
How was I ever supposed to know it was going to stop
The body doesn't freeze when the car stops and that's what kills a person
They are hitting the windshield
They're trying to keep going
Even if you slam on your breaks before you hit the wall
You still jolt forward and the seatbelt still hurts your chest
Your body was not ready for the car to stop

I was running down a hill and my feet had picked up a pace and eventually I was unable to control how fast I was going
It almost feels like your feet have a mind and entire body of their own at that point
They are just carrying you
I was getting carried away
My feet can't just ******* stop when I'm half way down a hill

How was I supposed to know
How am I supposed to stop?

How could I know you were the sand running away from my hands and back into your own familiar oceans

How could I have considered my body would not stop with the car
My body will eventually hit the bricks
but what difference does it make
Sand is so small and fine it seeps through the cracks in brick walls and rests in the crevices
and when the water comes it'll be gone again
I understand now why I stay
staring blankly at my wall
this ******* brick wall
looking at the emptiness of my hands
I am expressionless as I try to count the grains of sand
but they are long gone