Why am I so afraid to cry?
I question as I furiously rub at the tears on my cheek.
I mean it’s not a weakness, and I’m not a stranger to pain, or anger.
But I guess it’s because when I’m sad, I try and fight it off.
After all, why should I be surprised, the hurt never fades away.
And I’m sorry, I really am, for apologizing, and for falling for you.
Because I know myself.
And I know how much of a coward I am.
I’m not one to open up, to trust easily, I always hold back.
You can’t expect much else from me, I’ve experienced too much hate and been let down too many times to not be wary.
So sure, you opened up, you told me your secrets, you let me in.
But couldn’t you tell how much I flinched, how I only gave you tidbits that are of no matter.
Why would I supply you with ammunition to **** me faster?
And I know, I pretended it was all fine, and it was at first.
But like I said, I know myself, and I know when I fall I fall hard.
But I’m also insecure, because I know I have to open up, and I’m so afraid of getting hurt.
And you’re going to hurt me, I know you are, I can feel it because my chest is already constricting and my heart is already exploding.
And I have a headache. Because I can’t stop it.
And I feel so alone.
Please come hold me.
Let me cry.
Wipe away my tears and teach me how to smile.
Help me heal, don’t watch as I shatter again.
The pieces you see, they’re getting harder to find.
And pretty soon, they’ll be too fine.
Like sand, in an hourglass, I’m running out of time.
So tell me you love me, and stare into my eyes,
And make me a pinky promise you’re not going to run out of my life.