My mamma has cancer and I
Haven't shed a single tear
But both my heart and mind
Run to you to feel you near.

You are that safe place
The haven to my chaotic surround
The chord I follow in this maze
My whole body aches for not having you around.

What do I do?
If I know you are not right for me,
If I know you love like a virus,
If I know you don't want me,

But

Yours is the hug I've been longing
Yours are the eyes that confort me
Yours is the only romantic love I've felt
(or at least that's how I felt it)
You are the person I want to be next to in this chaotic days...

I know it is sick,
You wrote me on my birthday,
And I didn't say a thing,
Yet here I am, writing you again

Where's my pride?
Where's my dignity?
You may ask.

My pride is right here, as well as my dignity,
They are here in this transparent lines,
They are in my honesty.

I didn't answer on the 14th,
Cause I didn't know what to say,
I felt the same cycle beginning again,
And I'm in no state for our silly games.

Maybe I still love you
Maybe I just need you right now.

I don't know what do I want,
I don't know if I want you back or
if I just want to feel again what I felt when I was with you.

I don't know what to do
Nor why do I think of you
I know you don't think of me back.

When in a blue notebook I,
Presented you the chance to change
Or be better,
You ignored the latter as well as me.

So I can imagine how this must look like
Again, my crazy obsessed mind running to you.
I swear it is not.

You might ignore this like you've done before,
Feel no obligation to respond
Feel no remorse for your actions,
Just do what feels right.

I'm just troubled, and I'm tired of speaking with you on my mind for months,
I'm setting it free,
My feelings,
My words,
And maybe, just maybe,
The last strands of you.