I watch myself do things that I shouldn't, I wish so much that I wouldn't
But it seems like my body just takes over, maybe that's why most of the times I cant stay sober
I always drink to the point that I feel half dead, its like I'm never in my body never in my head
I wish all these thoughts would just go away, I wish so much that I didn't have self hate
But its like i'm not the same person I use to be, my body wants it but my mind doesn't agree
I don't feel like myself anymore, I am still alive but I don't know what for
What I have is called addiction, but I have to hide it so I don't get convicted
I spent all my money on **** and drugs, because I thought drinking and getting high was always enough
I hold the spoon over the flame, that's when I realized I had nobody but myself to blame
I feel like I can never win, as I put the needle deep in my skin
The addiction has all the power, to bring me to my knees at every other hour
I shoot it up in my vein, then I feel my eyes roll back in my brain
Its dark now like it isn't daylight anymore, but I can still hear my best friend banging on the door
I slowly went unconscious but I hear myself yelling at me in my subconscious
I heard him bust the door in then I heard the sirens coming in the distance
So I tried to fight with so much resistance
I tried hard to open my eyes but it seemed like I had no strength to provide
So I just laid there in the darkness, I cant believe I could be this heartless
I couldn't believe this was me
My mom said Id do something good but look what I turned out to be
I gave up on my life and I stopped letting people in
Why did I let the addiction win
Its all my fault, I let everyone down
At least they will all be glad when im no longer around
I feel a hand on mine as my eyes begin to open
I wanted to die, or at least I was hopin'
Alive I am worthless, I need to die because I deserve it
I hurt everyone around me, I hurt myself and my surroundings
Why did I have to try drugs in the first place, why did I think a hug it would replace