first words
she heard me

first steps
she was right beside me

first day of school
she was in the class next door

we’re two halves in a whole
we’re twins

sharing practically everything
from clothes to crooked smiles
big feet to best friends

some might say we’re the same
and they couldn’t be further from the truth

our shared genes
could never cross the gap
between friends and strangers
stuck in the middle

speaking to her in the morning
is like walking through a minefield
dangerous and unpredictable
never knowing if she’s in a bad mood
or worse
usually moody
rarely happy
always dramatic
at least
she is around me

i wake her up
she takes a shower
straightens her hair
puts on liquid black eyeliner
to show off green eyes
the same color as mine

she stands tall
always  over
me
suffocating
casting a shadow
with broad shoulders

she can’t find the energy
to give me a compliment
ever
however she
continues to
point out my flaws
at six in the morning

i’m tired

i can count on one hand
the number of times she really hugged me
the number of times she really felt my pain

when Ton died
when Grandpa passed
when Dad screamed i was a failure

that’s it

i wish you would try to understand

through the
hair disasters
bike rides
movie nights
recitals
adventures
walks
runs
deaths
crashes
tears
laughs­
screams
you were there

yet when i feel alone
when i need you
you’re gone
talking to some guy on the phone
you ignore me
you don’t know
you don’t understand
and i have to rely on someone
who doesn’t know me like you do
because
******
my sister isn’t here