By Larry Ladd



Oh, I would have a lot of fun
If I were a number 1.
Still, I eat that second hero.
My profile is a number 0.
I cinch my belt to hide my weight.
I only look like a number 8.
At “Attention!” I straighten my spine.
I only manage a number 9.
They say “At ease.” I’m in a fix.
My **** drops down to a number 6.
Oh, I would have a lot of fun
If I were a number 1.



My ego wants to be a capital I,
But I guess I’m not that sort of guy.
My gut droops over my belt, you see,
So I look more like a capital P.
Say, I would not mind a capital R.
Then I could be an adult film star.
But that’s not likely, what’s to do?
**** I look like a capital Q.
So I’ll stay dressed because I know
I really am a capital O.