It's so strange to be so happy right now
With adversity's bruises and cuts still burning
And old broken bones still aching through
Yet I have found clarity again
In this journey of fixing mirror cracks
Clarity gives me a lot of joy
I've been a self saboteur you see
An angry pressured worker
Pushing the rock up the hill
Wondering why it keeps falling down
I didn't understand love
Bigger and smaller
Momentary and perpetual
For what it was
I've seen love as a task
Something to be stressed over
To be controlled and analysed
To be distrusted and fought
And to torture myself over
When it disappeared
Love is not a task
It's a flow
Something natural, warm
Fun and carefree
Something to be accepted as possible
But allowed to pour where it should
I've met a lot of girls over the years
And I've gone in with the task in mind
The stress of
'Will I be successful in the task this time?'
And so I fail in the task that isn't a task again
When I've really found something fun and special
Is when I haven't working the task
When I've let myself swim in the flow with another
In conversation and dance
In revelry and smiles
In warm bed sheets I've never seen before
I know it's strange to be so joyful from pain
It's just...
I can learn to trust the flow now I can see it
So... I feel a little bit free right now