I stood
in that parking lot
the one that overlooked
the lake
and remembered the time
that I shared a cigarette with
you.
And you said,
"This is the first
time I have had nicotine
in a while."

Part of me
felt bad
that I had reintroduced
you to the beast
of addiction
but then again
I was addicted
to you
and your words
and your smile
so maybe it wasnt all that bad
and we were young
so whats the worst that could happen?
I quit smoking
because it feels good
to self-destruct
and I know cigarettes
taste better when
pondering the days
that have blown
away like toxic
smoke
and I have too many
of those
and spend too much
time thinking
about the immutable
past that I
myself
would inevitably become ash.