How am I meant to sleep hearing my own heart beat and unsure of what any of this means;
are these tears from whats in front of me, or am I broken from some distant memory?

My brain is so cluttered I can’t think
all I see is darkness
all I feel is agony
thoughts swimming in the roaring seas of my mind
pain
loss
suffering
where is joy and peace?
have those parts ceased, or merely been creased?
either way I can’t seem to flatten out the pages to see what lies between.

So I chose to lie with no sleep,
because lying is my means.
That's my drug of choice no sleep and a lethal dose of caffeine.
Maybe if I cloud my mind enough, I won’t disrupt the already torn seams.

I know to be broken is to begin to be made whole,
but I can’t go down that road.
No not alone.
I can’t take someone with me, they don’t deserve this toll.
Maybe I merely feel comfort in the pains of old.
The simple love of my difficult place.