tiara
you call your cuts failures
and your blood a testament
to all the times you didn’t succeed
but living is an art
and you are clearly an artist

so don’t tell me there’s no reason why
you are still alive.

when the cops came
you swam through a crack haze
to the window
and jumped

i wasn’t there but i can see it so vividly now
you thought you’d land like a cat
but your legs gave out and snapped like popsicle sticks
you shrugged off the pain
and choked on blood
as you dragged yourself across the lawn

there was a warrant for your arrest
you decided to give up
and wait for them to find you

collapsing in on yourself on a moment’s notice
is your specialty.

laugh about the man who cheats on you
dream about stabbing his ex-girlfriend
tonight i will not give you knives girl
you know the world is a harsh place
learn to navigate it with no razors.

you are not a crown
to be worn by others
you like to make sure people know
you are a tiara
and you will weigh heavy on their heads.

tell me you are stupid
say the methamphetimes made craters in your brain
as you peer at me over your physics textbook
that you call light reading.

lament about the classes you failed
as you strap jigsaw puzzles together
with the scarred arms you carry
the split skin you once opened
out in the open.

are you calling me stupid
by playing this lying game?

tiara
you are all cat eyes
a frail body with an endless appetite
we both secretly derive joy from the money i spent
slipping you candy bars
and the flowers i left by your door
that you dried between the pages of books.

you have not been outside since december
i want to bring you more than flowers
i want to bring you grass and dirt, trees and roots,
birds and mice and worms

i want to give you life
i want you to run your fingers through it lovingly.

you shoulder pain so indifferently
i want to make you cry
for more beautiful things
i want to grab your tender wrists
and fill them with the sunlight.

when i left i hugged you so tight
you said you’d see me
all the big plans you had
i knew you were lying again
i know you cried that night.

tiara i love you
you are someone who needs to
bear the weight of those words
not the pain of never hearing them.

that is what you needed to hear
why did i never say it.