two gun shots
circled around your brain
like the world

you heard the bullet
crunch through his head
like it was your own

remember when you were five,
and you played army together?

remember when you were twelve,
and you started smoking **** in his basement?

i remember

you wrapped your body around him
bleeding into the pavement
like bandages around wounds

michael
you are not made of gauze

michael
this is not your fault

michael
don't feel guilty for the laws
you've broken

you are not broken

michael
your friend is not gone

his body has been stolen
by bullets to the neck
and the jaw
you are not alone

this is not your fault

blow may numb your nose
but it doesn't change this
guilt

don't punch walls when you're angry
you're knuckles are not a letter
to the men who killed him...

i know it's hard to let go
of the past
but ****** clothes can't stay
crammed in zip lock bags forever

standing in that parking lot
waiting for a second chance
so you can taste the limp limbs
of killers
won't give you a reason
to stay alive

it's time to take out the ***** laundry michael
listen, listen to me when i speak

don't you dare believe
you deserve to feel this way
michael
i will show you the utmost sincerity
even when you sexualize me

michael
you laugh at group therapy
like we're watching a funny TV show

michael
we play catch with a rubber duck
and you tell me
you don't remember who ***** you

stuttering childlike michael,
you don't believe in the inner child
but you have one
he just doesn't act his age
you don't know how to swim
but you are wet behind the ears

your brain is a novel
not a blank page
don't look away when i say
you are bright
let those words keep you up at night
instead of the nightmares

michael
it's okay to be sad
it's okay to say
you are afraid
you keep tripping
over rock-ribbed pavement
replaying the moment
you couldn't save him

in another life
you must have been a pit bull
your teeth clamped fast around
faceless men in black trucks
you're allowed to cry
so loosen your jowl and look up

you can treat compassion
with disdain...
and rush to meet it
with a propane tongue...
setting fire to everyone
you love

but eventually you will
combusting in on yourself
you are yearning to communicate
burning up like
alkane C3-H8

slipping your pinkies through *******
you are a powdered-nosedive
you have survived
the underbelly of trauma
now come back up
michael you can
break the surface

i know that echoing hallways remind...
you have seen too much
too young

but michael
you are good...
you just don't know
what's good for you