There was a soft kiss
Playing on my lips
It was as real as
A streaming river dam
It was as real as
Soft pink cotton clouds.
It was nothing if not loving.

There was no way out
Of your loving embrace
Except the way that hurt you the most.
I loved you too much to let you in.
You cried and asked if it was true
I smirked and said "tell no one".

But you knew each wound
On my wretched body
And the meaning of each moan
That escaped me lips
When you put your hands on me.
You knew all my sorrows
And understood me
Like no one else.

Complex PTSD has no mercy
Not even for you my love.
I forgot and you knew.
I blew a kiss and forgot you were alive.
I told you I had a boyfriend
Even though my body still had your scent on it.
And you understood like no one else.

You grunted "stop smoking"
And I snorted at you.
You swore loyalty to a brain
That vowed to forget you.
You were the only thing
I held on to while I accepted
The torment directed on my body and soul.

And I still can't recall your name
But I remember your softness
And diligence.
The effort you put in to me.
Like you were the only one
Who could save me.
And save me you did.
Like no one else could.

There's a surge of anger
Rising from my gut
Grunting to my brain
"Name Him"
And golden heart shaped locked
Drespassing in my mind
Like the kind that seperated lovers
Gift each other with.
But Complex PTSD has no mercy.
Not even for you my love.