We were on top of your rooftop, still five inches between us, looking up the sky and fighting the urge to hold hands. I thought of all the things I kept within me.
I didn't even like you, at least that's what I thought.
I didn't like the way my name slips through your tongue or how calming your voice sounds over the phone.
I didn't like our late night conversations about how vast this universe is and how the both of us are mere particles in this world filled with billions, silently in anguish.
I didn't even like our afternoons spent biking around the park, enjoying the breeze and color of fall, our favorite season of all.
I didn't like the way you smile at me whenever I'm being serious, when I'm in this corner contemplating myself, you'll flash that sarcastic smile of yours that makes me want to punch you.
I didn't like the way your palm touches the back of my neck whenever we would kiss,
I didn't like the way you say "I love you", soothing and calming,
I hated myself for never saying it back.
"I love you" you would say
"I know" I'd reply
The truth is that I don't just like you or love you, it's a very shallow way of labeling what I truly feel for you.
My darling, I live for you.
I live for these moments, I live for your smile, your sweetness, and warmness. Even words aren't enough to describe the euphoria that you give me.
You've kept me alive, you're the reason of my every breath,
You're my rock.
And I live for you even when you drive me insane, especially then.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
And as my favorite book says
"“You can be Han Solo, ‘And I’ll be Boba Fett. I’ll cross the sky for you.”
Now we're back on your rooftop, hand in hand, no inches in between.