I have always been a big girl
A “strong build” girl
A “fluffy” girl
And nothing’s wrong with that.
Right?
Wrong. There’s always something
Wrong. From my hair down to my toes.
So I take control,
Try to take control
But it ends up controlling me
Yanking me down into the
Depths of I’m so fat and
Are you sure you want to eat that?
I hide it,
Hide it good
But it’s too heavy for me now
Some don’t understand,
Won’t try to see how it’s not my fault
Won’t forgive me when I beg for
Forgiveness
Won’t believe me when I say I
Won’t do it again
Refuses to have faith in me,
To believe me
Just to feel sorry for me
Like they can say I’m bad
Or lose on self- control
And beg me to promise against suicide
When they have a plan broiling in their mind
I’ve tried and I’ve failed
Over and over
But for you I still try
As you turn your back
And avert your eyes
I try
But it wins
And I make my way towards the looming door
To return an ounce lighter
Thinner
It wins
And I sink to the floor
Cold, alone
Trying to tell myself I am beautiful
Yet deep down I know I’m not