numb
no mad rage
no flood of tears
just the beat of my heart and the hum of an empty mind.
glossy hazes melts over my blue eyes
autopilot
up the stairs
straight ahead
walk in and turn around
lock the door.
step infront of the dreaded reflection
what do you see?
i see a girl who is chipped and scratched on the inside
a bruised heart
dark circles
rumpled hair
open hands soon to wrap around the sharp pain killer
untouched thighs
white and smooth
deserved
rake number one.
nothing
the numb is terrifying
dulled senses
deserved
rake number two.
deeper
no pain
just empty heart and dry eyes
deserved
a hook in the pure skin
deeper deeper
cut away my sins
my regrets
my failures
they're in there somewhere
im okay
I'm okay
I'm okay
I scream at myself
I'm fine
I'm fine
I did it
tears are here now
red river down ****** thighs
sourced from a ****** caccoon on my light hip
I cannot bear the reflection
This is just a drug
like any other
take it out on me
before I burst and take it out on anyone else
My lie.
the pool on the floor contains all my wrong doings.
another day
another slice of relief
wipe the tears, let it run
put a bandaid over the wound of my soul, not just my body.
I'm okay
I'm fine
I did it
Repeat
Walk away
I'll be back soon,
My sharp little painkiller.