i dig my nails in the back of my hands
like in digging to feel bone
the bone will shed fat off it
the nails can claw me away
claw me away
dig it out of my skin

i stop right as it bleeds and i hold
i hold like this is me writing love letters to my bone
writing hate comments on my fat
scarring them in

i caught myself starring at scars
caught smiling at bones for hands
just covered in a thin layer of skin
skin covered in hate comments
but not being able to write love letters
my hands and nails have gotten used to scars

i still catch myself digging deeper

i cant stop hating no matter if i hit bone
no matter if i want to write love letters
all i know to do is dig and dig and dig
and the more i dig
the more i claw away
like rotten old me can finally have small hands