May 2017
-Original
Sometimes it’s hard to put your feelings into words. Let alone onto paper or a computer. You see- I’m the girl who’s always happy. And I bring out the best in people. Well everyone says that at least. I’m supposedly that girl. That girl who is always there for anyone who needs someone; whether it be a shoulder to cry on or the human form of a swear jar. I put everyone before myself, as long as everybody is happy, it will rub off on me right?
False. Because with trying to make one person happy, you instantly hurt another. It’s like a never ending circle. I make someone laugh, and somebody else is thrown into a puddle. I always say smiling is the key to happiness.. If you just smile more, all of your troubles will evaporate. Now,you see, false again.
And as soon as you mend a broken shadow, they completely forget of your existence. Until they have nobody to hear them out they retrace back to me.
I’m just that girl. That girl whose smile is a mask covered with 6 inches of makeup to hide the fact I haven’t slept in almost three days. I struggle to eat because there’s always something I do to mess everything up. There is always a promise that I forgot I made in the first place or plans I didn’t even know I gave my consent to. I try to remember. But I can’t. And that kills me the most- knowing I let someone down because I can’t ******* remember a word I say.
I mean I have to cheat on tests because I’m so exhausted from staying up all night trying to learn how to speak **** I’m probably never going to need to use any day. What is the point? Although I usually can’t do: I try.. And isn’t that enough? No. it’s never enough. ‘Try harder’ the say. But I try my ******* hardest and I put everything into what I want but it’s never enough, is it? You will never be fully satisfied.
Yet I always stay here. Waiting for you by your side. Waiting for you to need me so I can be there for you because I never want you or anybody to feel even just a fraction of how i feel every day because you might finally realise I’m falling and I’m just broken and I always will be. That’s just it. And hopefully you can catch me before it’s too late. But if not, It’s not your fault. Promise. Because I am just that girl. Truly.
False. Because with trying to make one person happy, you instantly hurt another. It’s like a never ending circle. I make someone laugh, and somebody else is thrown into a puddle. I always say smiling is the key to happiness.. If you just smile more, all of your troubles will evaporate. Now,you see, false again.
And as soon as you mend a broken shadow, they completely forget of your existence. Until they have nobody to hear them out they retrace back to me.
I’m just that girl. That girl whose smile is a mask covered with 6 inches of makeup to hide the fact I haven’t slept in almost three days. I struggle to eat because there’s always something I do to mess everything up. There is always a promise that I forgot I made in the first place or plans I didn’t even know I gave my consent to. I try to remember. But I can’t. And that kills me the most- knowing I let someone down because I can’t ******* remember a word I say.
I mean I have to cheat on tests because I’m so exhausted from staying up all night trying to learn how to speak **** I’m probably never going to need to use any day. What is the point? Although I usually can’t do: I try.. And isn’t that enough? No. it’s never enough. ‘Try harder’ the say. But I try my ******* hardest and I put everything into what I want but it’s never enough, is it? You will never be fully satisfied.
Yet I always stay here. Waiting for you by your side. Waiting for you to need me so I can be there for you because I never want you or anybody to feel even just a fraction of how i feel every day because you might finally realise I’m falling and I’m just broken and I always will be. That’s just it. And hopefully you can catch me before it’s too late. But if not, It’s not your fault. Promise. Because I am just that girl. Truly.
