May 2017
I have *******, although I wish I could wrap them up. Make my size D a size A then I could wear all the trendy stuff. Then it wouldn't be too tight it wouldn't cling it would just hang. My shadow would be a rectangle and I could wear whatever I wanted without shame. Is it too low cut, is the graphic awkwardly placed am I drawing the wrong attention to myself if I don't cover every inch from my chest to my face? They say I'm too modest but they don't know what I've endured. 90% of my closet is t-shirts because I am tired of my body defining my worth.
You'll look at my ***, you'll look at my thighs, you'll look at my chest and stomach but never my eyes. You'll never know where the first sentence of my story lies because my figure is the only thing you idolize. And it doesn't bother me at all what I look like, but it boils my blood to no end that because I'm not showing off for you you think I'm a ****?
When I was 15 I wore basketball shorts and tshirts to school almost everyday, I dressed for comfort not to impress, this was high school not the Paris couture runway. Maybe it was because I didn't wear makeup or have my hair down or let my hips sway that they questioned my sexuality, I wasn't conforming to society's way.
I wore a dress on picture day and everyone was in shock, boys called me pretty for the first time but I didn't give a ****. I wore what I did for me, not so that they would be pleased. I was sickened that this change of scenery actually left them weak in the knees. When before they never even noticed me and they wouldn't ever again. Even when I was 18 and I had my first boyfriend , he said "are you sure you aren't a lesbian?" Because I wouldn't touch his **** and I didn't want to so that was the end.
Then I began to explore the notion that maybe I was all they said. I'd never thought about girls like that before but I had no ****** desire for men. I told this to you and you said you were experimenting too so you kissed me without my consent. You said it was just for fun but was it fun when the messages started to come, saying I was gay when I didn't even love you that way. In fact I hated you, I was used and abused and torn in two.
To this day people still ask me what I am I tell them I'm straight I just don't want ***. To which they reply the right **** will change your mind or maybe you're a lesbian because my desire for *** is how my gender is defined? I just want to be noticed like everybody else, to be loved by a boy not his **** or his wealth. And these stereotypes that everyone puts me in to is because *** sells so to the carnivorous media I say *******.
You'll look at my ***, you'll look at my thighs, you'll look at my chest and stomach but never my eyes. You'll never know where the first sentence of my story lies because my figure is the only thing you idolize. And it doesn't bother me at all what I look like, but it boils my blood to no end that because I'm not showing off for you you think I'm a ****?
When I was 15 I wore basketball shorts and tshirts to school almost everyday, I dressed for comfort not to impress, this was high school not the Paris couture runway. Maybe it was because I didn't wear makeup or have my hair down or let my hips sway that they questioned my sexuality, I wasn't conforming to society's way.
I wore a dress on picture day and everyone was in shock, boys called me pretty for the first time but I didn't give a ****. I wore what I did for me, not so that they would be pleased. I was sickened that this change of scenery actually left them weak in the knees. When before they never even noticed me and they wouldn't ever again. Even when I was 18 and I had my first boyfriend , he said "are you sure you aren't a lesbian?" Because I wouldn't touch his **** and I didn't want to so that was the end.
Then I began to explore the notion that maybe I was all they said. I'd never thought about girls like that before but I had no ****** desire for men. I told this to you and you said you were experimenting too so you kissed me without my consent. You said it was just for fun but was it fun when the messages started to come, saying I was gay when I didn't even love you that way. In fact I hated you, I was used and abused and torn in two.
To this day people still ask me what I am I tell them I'm straight I just don't want ***. To which they reply the right **** will change your mind or maybe you're a lesbian because my desire for *** is how my gender is defined? I just want to be noticed like everybody else, to be loved by a boy not his **** or his wealth. And these stereotypes that everyone puts me in to is because *** sells so to the carnivorous media I say *******.
I have a love hate relationship poem cause it was written out of such a bitter place and have considered taking it down many times, but many people have told me its helped them, so I keep it up for them. To be honest about bullying, about sexuality struggles and people that pressure you into something you're not cause of stereotypes. I also performed it at a poetry slam and got a standing ovation and it was the first one I performed so it'll always have special memories attached to it.
