I really can’t stand women who feel like
they have to bury themselves under
six-feet of makeup and drawn on eyebrows.
To be honest, if I did prefer women to men,
I’d date a woman who didn’t have a face
that reminded me of a painted mannequin.
I mean, the only thing I’d be able to think
when we’re together is, “What the hell
is actually waiting to come up from the
depths of the long-lash lagoon or the foundation
forest?” because I’m pretty sure it’s not
some sort of welcoming party.
And what about the whole traveling to
the bathrooms in groups thing?
Sometimes I have to wonder if there’s
some sort of secret society of warrior
women waiting to come charging out
of the lavatory and straight at me just
because I was born the wrong gender
in their eyes and that I have no idea
what they feel or who they are.
Women just terrify me at times.