I really can’t stand women who feel like they have to bury themselves under six-feet of makeup and drawn on eyebrows. To be honest, if I did prefer women to men, I’d date a woman who didn’t have a face that reminded me of a painted mannequin. I mean, the only thing I’d be able to think when we’re together is, “What the hell is actually waiting to come up from the depths of the long-lash lagoon or the foundation forest?” because I’m pretty sure it’s not some sort of welcoming party. And what about the whole traveling to the bathrooms in groups thing? Sometimes I have to wonder if there’s some sort of secret society of warrior women waiting to come charging out of the lavatory and straight at me just because I was born the wrong gender in their eyes and that I have no idea what they feel or who they are. Women just terrify me at times.