There is a sudden break between my life
And myself,
Which lives in the shattered midnights
And soulful musical notes.
I like to think I have it all figured out
Because my autopilot is more efficient than most
But I am still standing helplessly in the cockpit,
Napping and winding through endless garbage
Waiting to be woken by some breathless clarity.
Shock me awake, dear world,
Take my breath away.
I want to be electrified with feelings again.
Drowned in sorrows and held
On a trembling high by love and beauty.
I am tired of autopilot.
I have eaten enough tiny bags of peanuts
And I am ready to land,
Ready to reunite with the world,
Grab hands with all the closest humans
And tell them that I did this.
I flew to the sun
And back.
I did not fail, no matter how much I may have seemed close.
Some things I cannot achieve,
But I will not know that for a while yet.
So I will keep trying to tease love and life
Out of every meaningless instant,
With my hands in his hair
And the sunshine on my shoulder blades
And “I love you” too soon.
It is only a matter of time
Until the engine turns off
And we coast down the runway
And I put on my captain’s cap,
And take the helm.