It's one o'clock in the morning.
It's been a week since I last saw you.
I lie on my bed, thinking about the way you used to hold me.
It was as if you were holding a grudge...
I keep thinking about us,
Where our relationship cracked
And I can't figure out exactly where it started.
I can't help but think our relationship was never meant to be.
Like maybe, if I never met you again, I wouldn't be in this mess.
I think about how a week ago,
I was drowning in depression and taking too many pills.
I think about how much weight and sleep I lost.
I think about hiw you came over and dropped my stuff off and how I broke down in front of you..
I think about where I am right now...
I'm not great, but I'm not completely terrible.
It's a bit of an in between phase...
I wonder how long it will be like this..
I can't stop looking at your Facebook or Twitter.
I can't stop thinking about the fact that you're leaving and I truly won't be able to talk to you for awhile..
I think about how I just want you to **** Rebecca and come crawling back to me.
I want you get revenge..
I want you to wreck havoc.
I want you to miss me.
I want to move on sometimes.
Sometimes I think this relationship is too broken to fix, and sometimes I'm really determined to fix it to the best of my abilities..
I send you long messages
About this weight that's been on my heart and you don't even say anything.
I'm so confused.
Since the beginning of 2017, I've been so confused.
To be honest, I thought I made a mistake in saying "yes" when you asked me to be yours on December 31st..
I remember talking to my father about it in the kitchen for hours..
And then I fell in love with you..
Or maybe it's the fact that I fall in love with people who have no interest in being with me..
It's really ****** up, I know..
I can't stop thinking about you.
I hate that I can't bring myself to call you, because I know you won't answer and I promised I would give you your space...
I just wish you would tell me if you needed me to move on already, because I already know these two weeks won't change your heart..
I hate that I am allowing myself to wait for you.
I hate that we are in this mess.
I hate that I haven't felt your lips on mine in over a week..
I hate that I don't know how you're doing right now..
Or if you are already talking to somebody else..
I hate that I can't get you out of my mind or off of my chest.
I hate that you make me feel this way..