I drive on a frontage road
Not knowing where I want to get off
Not knowing where I want to go.
I’m hurting so much emotionally
That it’s physically showing
I am among those
Who understand life
And take the on-ramp to the highway
While I wave as they fly by
I fear I’ll never have the courage to get on
The highway of life
For I prefer watching from the sidelines
Giving instead of taking
But I always hinder more than I help
No matter what lies I provide
To myself
To ease the hurricane that is my mind
I wonder, perhaps more than I should, how it would feel to disappear
Forever
Never to return to the highway
To simply take a turn off
And never return.
But these are still premature thoughts
And I’m cycling down the middle of these two lanes
Horns deafen me all around
Afraid it makes me
But the rush is more than worth the worry
After all
If they hit me, they wouldn't be at fault
It’s the cycle of life that strikes you every time
But this is no choice directional street
For this is a one way
You can’t go back
All you can do is continue to go forward
Or suddenly stop
But I won’t go that quietly
It’s my choice to, now, walk
Down this frontage road that never seems to stop
Now in the distance I see my destination
But I don’t hurry
I take my time
Since I know this is my last time.
The highway is much scarier than I thought
But I finally know my purpose
I finally know what my destiny is
Like all these others
Driving along
Laughing with their family
As though they’ve never had so much as a thought
Of a river of darkness flowing in your mind
Carrying you away from your normal path
Flowing
Choosing for you
Without consent
But how wildly it flows
How it makes you do things you’d never do
Think things you would never have the pleasure of thinking
Having tools to cope
That you, now, can't but hardly live without
But how beautiful the water is flowing underneath
Isn’t it?
Just flowing so gracefully
Reflecting the moon
And the stars
And the darkness of the night
It’s hard to see
But I can hear the sound
It calls me to the edge of the bridge
And I hear sirens in the background
They always tell you not to let others drag you down
And some have pulled over
Trying to hinder me as I have done to so many
And let so many hinder me so openly
So profound
But I’m done hindering whilst being hindered, myself
I’m removing myself from the equation
My darkness can now spread out of me
And into those who can flush it out
Since they have lights as stars do in their hearts
I hope forgiveness won’t be an issue
Even though I didn’t say goodbye as I fell
Someday after my inactivity I guess they’ll figure it out
That I finally said my secret goodbye
As breathing went from being to been
As air I could not breathe in
For there was water
And water alone
Under that blue, turned black sheet of water that I hit solid
So low under it
That I felt the bottom
And felt the blood whirl in my ears
For that was the last thing I could hear
Was the faded echoes of darkness
The taste of death in my esophagus
The sight of voices fading to oblivion into this river
For this is the only way out
Out of life that promises more than it can lend a hand
So I fell
And I fell
Into that different kind of highway
For I had no emotional struggle
Just simply
Breathed out
Drank
Strained
Drowned.
And I was suddenly at peace
Life unwound from me it’s arms
For finally I was independent
For finally
I was unbound.