May 2017
I am ambitious.
Although many have doubted me in the past, I have always came up to prove them wrong.
Stereotypes do not define my capacity nor my drive.
Everyday I choose to strive for a greater life in order to become exceptional.
I choose to be concealed.
Not everyone deserves to know who I am and what I've been through.
My silence hides many traumas and horrors that words cannot simply explain.
For I have lived and learned much more than most of the people my age.
I learn about myself every day.
At night, I tend to stay up and discover a new attribute or pet peeve.
Every time I look at myself in the mirror the person that looks back at me is someone different and my perspective continues to change as I evolve.
As I learn about the world around us I grow as an individual and form my own thoughts and opinions.
I am lifeless.
I have succumbed to what I've become.
With drive and aspirations comes failures and downfalls that have taken a toll on my lonely life.
They say successful people are always the loneliest so I guess this is a good sign.
Considering I walk through this Earth with an apathetic and pessimistic outlook on “life”.
I find comfort in pain and sorrow.
Some might consider me a ******* or even a sadist of some form but I find comfort in the pain from within.
I have discovered that whenever I am at my lowest I think the brightest and learn the most because I am susceptible to it all.
Unlike most, I don't mind the agony because it opens my horizons to the dark spectrum that lies behind the human lie.
I try to convince myself that there is some type of freedom in loneliness.
No matter how much I strive to fit in with a certain group of people I shall always be considered an outsider.
As a free spirit I roam this world with an open mind and a broken heart because no matter how much I try, I will never fill the void and lonesomeness in my heart.
However, my loneliness will lead me to something greater than myself.
I am whimsical and delusional.
I laugh and giggle with the world because if I didn’t what else would I have to live for?
My friends tend to describe me as comical because of my random jokes and lightheartedness when it comes to casual occurrences.
At times I find myself laughing at my tragedies and endeavors because that is the only way that I can let go and laugh hysterically as I ignore the darkness for only a couple of relieving seconds.
I am writing this with a heavy heart on my fifth Mother’s Day without a mother.
Her spirit lives within me, but it does not stop the depression and nostalgia from taking over my mind.
I truly loved her to death and so she will forever be my muse for I have grown up to fill her shoes in a different time period with a different story.
She was no artist but she unknowingly set up a blank canvas for my life that she has outlined for me to stay on the right path and inside the lines.
I am deceiving.
My father believes I live my life without a care, but little does he know.
I have mastered the art of deception, seeing as we live in a cold, cold world, one must use this art to bring joy to those that still have a reason to smile and rejoice.
Not all of us were meant to see the world with true eyes, the world with all it's ambiguous holes and obscure corners.
But the few of us that are the selected must learn to live with the curse of realism and must learn to conceal our pain in order to bring others happiness because in the end, some of us have to bring bliss to this never ending cycle of torment.
I will not be changed.
Society binds our souls to a certain mold we must fill but I refuse to be restrained.
Individuality is the most crucial aspect of humanity and must remain inconsistant and always changing in order to evolve.
My own persona is dark and mysterious and that is acceptable because there is a spirit out there that perceives nothing but positivity for the both of us.
I am an agnostic.
Not full on atheist of course, my catholic background prevents me from completely denying the existence of a greater being.
However, my love for science raises a sense of uncertainty because due to my own beliefs, it is nearly impossible for the human mind to find sufficient evidence to justify irrational occurrences.
I find myself a praying to a God that I hope is real, pleading for help and telling myself that there is a life after this to comfort my pain when deep inside of me I know that there’s probably only an abyss of nothingness.
Where was God when my mother was dying in front of me at the age of twelve? As spiritual as going to church may be to a few, I find comfort in personal experiences.
I am an human rights activist.
Is it so radical to believe in basic human rights?
I refuse to see color, religion or defects because there is not a certain way to live your life.
I will ALWAYS fight for what is right and I refuse to be a bystander in any type of discrimination or heinous act against those who simply cannot defend themselves or are too scared to do so.
I will be their voice.
I chose to not be oppressed.
As a minority life is not quite as jolly as one might imagine because although it isn’t superficial, there is underlying prejudice that can be portrayed with simply a look.
Although it pains me to be around such bigotry and ignorance is I REFUSE to let it affect me and who I am.
I am Mexican, a foreigner in this country of immigrants, but my nationality does not hinder my drive, instead it pushes me to strive for substance and improvement for both me and my people.
I am petrified.
In a couple of months I will find myself in another city, another city, foreign to my own. So similar yet so different.
I am completely terrified of what the world has in store for me because it might not be what I envision, and that has the capacity to break me once more.
Nonetheless, I chose to strut through my existence with a golden blindfold that doesn’t restrict me but instead surprises me with the unexpected and comforts me with the unknown.
I am a writer.
And no, not only a writer on occasions when I have a school assignment.
I am a writer early in the morning, late at night and spontaneously in the afternoon.
Many of my pieces are obscure and somber, but as a fanatic of the great Pablo Neruda, my collection also includes pieces that speak of tenderness and infatuation.
I am the change in the world.
I convey a darkness so opaque that the general public is incapable of seeing the bright light I carry with me as well.
My persona has a wide variety of understanding for all types of perspectives because to me, perspective is the difference between true knowledge and a fabricated scheme.
I will make a difference in this world, whether it affects a single person or a multitude because my endless knowledge and kindness will allow me to leave my footprint and impact others even if it takes the rest of my eternity.
Although many have doubted me in the past, I have always came up to prove them wrong.
Stereotypes do not define my capacity nor my drive.
Everyday I choose to strive for a greater life in order to become exceptional.
I choose to be concealed.
Not everyone deserves to know who I am and what I've been through.
My silence hides many traumas and horrors that words cannot simply explain.
For I have lived and learned much more than most of the people my age.
I learn about myself every day.
At night, I tend to stay up and discover a new attribute or pet peeve.
Every time I look at myself in the mirror the person that looks back at me is someone different and my perspective continues to change as I evolve.
As I learn about the world around us I grow as an individual and form my own thoughts and opinions.
I am lifeless.
I have succumbed to what I've become.
With drive and aspirations comes failures and downfalls that have taken a toll on my lonely life.
They say successful people are always the loneliest so I guess this is a good sign.
Considering I walk through this Earth with an apathetic and pessimistic outlook on “life”.
I find comfort in pain and sorrow.
Some might consider me a ******* or even a sadist of some form but I find comfort in the pain from within.
I have discovered that whenever I am at my lowest I think the brightest and learn the most because I am susceptible to it all.
Unlike most, I don't mind the agony because it opens my horizons to the dark spectrum that lies behind the human lie.
I try to convince myself that there is some type of freedom in loneliness.
No matter how much I strive to fit in with a certain group of people I shall always be considered an outsider.
As a free spirit I roam this world with an open mind and a broken heart because no matter how much I try, I will never fill the void and lonesomeness in my heart.
However, my loneliness will lead me to something greater than myself.
I am whimsical and delusional.
I laugh and giggle with the world because if I didn’t what else would I have to live for?
My friends tend to describe me as comical because of my random jokes and lightheartedness when it comes to casual occurrences.
At times I find myself laughing at my tragedies and endeavors because that is the only way that I can let go and laugh hysterically as I ignore the darkness for only a couple of relieving seconds.
I am writing this with a heavy heart on my fifth Mother’s Day without a mother.
Her spirit lives within me, but it does not stop the depression and nostalgia from taking over my mind.
I truly loved her to death and so she will forever be my muse for I have grown up to fill her shoes in a different time period with a different story.
She was no artist but she unknowingly set up a blank canvas for my life that she has outlined for me to stay on the right path and inside the lines.
I am deceiving.
My father believes I live my life without a care, but little does he know.
I have mastered the art of deception, seeing as we live in a cold, cold world, one must use this art to bring joy to those that still have a reason to smile and rejoice.
Not all of us were meant to see the world with true eyes, the world with all it's ambiguous holes and obscure corners.
But the few of us that are the selected must learn to live with the curse of realism and must learn to conceal our pain in order to bring others happiness because in the end, some of us have to bring bliss to this never ending cycle of torment.
I will not be changed.
Society binds our souls to a certain mold we must fill but I refuse to be restrained.
Individuality is the most crucial aspect of humanity and must remain inconsistant and always changing in order to evolve.
My own persona is dark and mysterious and that is acceptable because there is a spirit out there that perceives nothing but positivity for the both of us.
I am an agnostic.
Not full on atheist of course, my catholic background prevents me from completely denying the existence of a greater being.
However, my love for science raises a sense of uncertainty because due to my own beliefs, it is nearly impossible for the human mind to find sufficient evidence to justify irrational occurrences.
I find myself a praying to a God that I hope is real, pleading for help and telling myself that there is a life after this to comfort my pain when deep inside of me I know that there’s probably only an abyss of nothingness.
Where was God when my mother was dying in front of me at the age of twelve? As spiritual as going to church may be to a few, I find comfort in personal experiences.
I am an human rights activist.
Is it so radical to believe in basic human rights?
I refuse to see color, religion or defects because there is not a certain way to live your life.
I will ALWAYS fight for what is right and I refuse to be a bystander in any type of discrimination or heinous act against those who simply cannot defend themselves or are too scared to do so.
I will be their voice.
I chose to not be oppressed.
As a minority life is not quite as jolly as one might imagine because although it isn’t superficial, there is underlying prejudice that can be portrayed with simply a look.
Although it pains me to be around such bigotry and ignorance is I REFUSE to let it affect me and who I am.
I am Mexican, a foreigner in this country of immigrants, but my nationality does not hinder my drive, instead it pushes me to strive for substance and improvement for both me and my people.
I am petrified.
In a couple of months I will find myself in another city, another city, foreign to my own. So similar yet so different.
I am completely terrified of what the world has in store for me because it might not be what I envision, and that has the capacity to break me once more.
Nonetheless, I chose to strut through my existence with a golden blindfold that doesn’t restrict me but instead surprises me with the unexpected and comforts me with the unknown.
I am a writer.
And no, not only a writer on occasions when I have a school assignment.
I am a writer early in the morning, late at night and spontaneously in the afternoon.
Many of my pieces are obscure and somber, but as a fanatic of the great Pablo Neruda, my collection also includes pieces that speak of tenderness and infatuation.
I am the change in the world.
I convey a darkness so opaque that the general public is incapable of seeing the bright light I carry with me as well.
My persona has a wide variety of understanding for all types of perspectives because to me, perspective is the difference between true knowledge and a fabricated scheme.
I will make a difference in this world, whether it affects a single person or a multitude because my endless knowledge and kindness will allow me to leave my footprint and impact others even if it takes the rest of my eternity.
