i remember waking up to emptiness and vacancy
i remember a voice, unable to distinguish it
uncertain
dazed
i remember being in your presence
but unable to feel the pleasure i had once drowned in
i remembering holding your hand
though i did not use it to trace constellations
like i had done all those times before
i recall searching longing for the treasure in your eyes
but all that blinded me were the chalked stained ashes
rather than the mines of gold i once found myself getting lost in entirely
i remember being in your embrace
so vibrant and passionate
now absent and distant
i remember your arms wrapping around me
holding me infinitely
pushing me against your chest
my safe haven
now the one place i am completely terrified of turning to
at last
you planted a kiss on my forehead
another imprint marking one of the few wonders of my body
and though i tried to find meaning behind it
i could not
i remember your paintbrushes running through the pallet of my hair
but not with the watercolors you once used
not with your gentle strokes and random outbursts of color
now your painting remains untouched
a sudden work of art
incomplete
left in the far corner along with your efforts
i remember glimpsing at you one last time
before you walked out
realizing the entity of light i found myself attracted to
was nothing but a flare your darkness had devoured
i remember falling asleep beside you and being completely infatuated with all there was to know about you
only to be present in the horrific nightmare i had created with the illusion of the person i thought you were
just to mask the harrowing reality of who you are
-c. alejandra