I felt the wind whisper to me, as my mother's tears fell on the earth, unobserved
I heard it say that the clouds are sad too of course, that's why they cry as they could form no words.

I felt the ruin beneath my foot, trying to reach out to me,
I ran my hand along what was left of the monuments and felt their abandonment try to console me,
They said they were beautiful once, but now they stand there, majestically, for they witnessed pain and survived through it when most could not.
There's art in resilience.

I felt the echo of the words, my father once said to me, today, again
"you take care of yourself and do what makes you happy and run if you have to, away from my miseries" I remember having my knee bone crack under the implications of the emotions he left hanging in the air and have them choke me. My heart has been in my throat ever since. No emotion could  ever overshadow it. Like a broken deck, I keep hearing the same thing again and again. I'm sorry I could not fix it. I'm sorry for adding more woes to your miseries.

I felt the bitter resignation of the words crossed with black ink, no longer wanted by the poet that carved them. I can still feel them laughing maniacally, talking about their uselessness. I can get the disappointment an arrow feels when it misses the mark. They say there will be a judgment passed on all of us. But why did God give up on me the moment I was born? Why does every church I have ever been to seem to abandon me when I need it most

I felt the sun drain away my energy as I held my sickly brother in my arms, I felt it shrink away in shame because it was trying to **** his illness away instead. I felt things fail one by one as I sat on my kneees there praying. with my knees bruised and my knuckles gone ******, I stood up and decided no one was coming. And there were other ways to harm myself while still healing, find help with no feet approaching. I decided to write honest words, and have them cut my skin brutally with their tenderness.

I don't know when my words became my redemption, I don't know when they became my sin.