in the end, will I have kept the promises I made mostly to myself in the beginning?

if I let go, will I be falling forever or will I just be standing there like a *******, not knowing that the ground was right there under my feet?

or will I fall just far enough for the impact with the ground to be fatal when it rushes up to meet me?

there's a metaphor about water in a draft where I say something about how the water I'm in feels like it's not going to crush me this time

and then I go on to explain that the water is also getting rained on, and it's growing but I can't tell how big the water is or if it's really getting rained on or if it's just in my head

there was a poem that I wrote three years ago about water coming out of me, and maybe that's just the case again and I'm in the water making it grow but I can't tell and it's some kind of optical illusion

maybe I can't tell anything, and I won't