"There's a light in you"
I am told
But i cant see it
I'm me
How could there be a spark in my soul
It was flushed out years ago
By the river
That flows through the unspoken
It goes beyond all thoughts
And it clogs my head when it stops
And it has stopped.
For it has been clogged
Ever since the light beside me left
Left to find a brighter light
To save her from what i gave her
Because darkness is all i am capable of giving
The color red is beyond the Vantablack layer of what ive become
Through the thoughts
The names
Through the faliure
Therefore my heart cannot be percieved as the color red
It blocks all light
And does not reflect
Not even hers
And the annoyance of not being able to unenvelope my soul from the darkness is why she left
Naïvely thought i could deal on my own
Since thats what i had done before
So maybe i could again.
But instead of getting better..
I have started thinking more rapidly and more frequently
"Maybe im better off dead"
Like a lamb on the edge of a cliff
Its just a step
Just an impulse decision to lock away your mind for the purpose of falling from that ledge..
It would save pain
From those who i would only ever and always accidentily give darkness to take with them
Just one second..
Thats all it takes..
To spread my wings and fly
But im tired of trying to fly anymore
Im tired of straining to keep my head above water
Im tired of waiting for a hand
Or a stick
To pull myself out of this with
Ive fallen so many times emotionally
I just want to know what it feels like..
To physically break instead of mentally
To bleed instead of..
think..
Think.
THINK
But it all comes down to that impulse decision
To give up or see the dawn..
But I've given up on the dawn.
Its just been so **** long since i saw even a shade of black lighter than this.
So i guess i know what my choice will be when that time comes along..
Im just so tired of falling without breaking..
So tired of healing..
Tired of being beaten and bruising
Without a single complaint.
Because with every thought
My soul drains..
And once its gone..
It wont anymore be a strain
To take another step.