I wish I had a way with words that spoke to people. I wish I could open my mouth and speak words of wisdom and clarity that didn’t come out like water and confusion. I wish I could feel without truly having to feel; to understand without ever having to experience. More than that I wish I could explain without feeling like I was giving excuses. I wish I could let myself breathe without feeling like I was giving myself a break.  It’s always to the next thing. I manage to procrastinate my time sure, but not without consistently feeling as if I should be doing something else. I wonder where that comes from. Which part of my brain rationalizes watching TV or surfing the internet. As if for more than a moment those things could be anything but counterproductive.  I wish I could understand my brain, but more than that I wish I could truly control it. Often times I feel as if it is just shooting ideas out of left field.  My brain is like a meteor shower, I’m always searching for a falling star, but in the end they’re all just falling rocks.