Every day throughout the hallways, I hear it. "I want to die", "I'd rather **** myself", "Oh my god, **** me". I'll admit it, sometimes I catch myself saying it too by accident.
But these phrases matter. They are not a joke to simply be brushed off and forgotten with a slight laugh, met with fake agreement.
Suicide is real. Whenever I hear the phrases, I am brought back to the cemetery. My grandpa burying his son. He read a poem to commemorate his son's love for literature. I fought back my tears because I hate crying in public, even if it's justified by a funeral. We pretended we weren't sad. We tried to fathom how his life was so cold that he'd rather face death They pretended they understood his pain.
Every time I see a hanging on television or hear someone talk about hanging, I fight back my tears because my experience with that is too real. It shouldn't be real. I understand the depressed's pain, I really do. But suicide leaves scars on everyone you leave behind. It changed my life forever and I pray you find the courage to stay.