I never thought I'd be the one
I'd always seen as less than.
Living a life society
Commercializes as beautiful,
But a young girl sees as
Flawed and directionless;
The way I go about everything.

Yet here I find myself,
Pulled by the undertow toward my fate
One sip, one slip at a time.
Grabbed too quickly with a lurking subtly
Of fingers wrapped tightly around my wrist
So hard I couldn't feel myself
Falling in to them.

I didn't see myself being this one,
Driving home when the light nearly peeks
On the eastern side of my windshield.
Shaking so hard I can barely breathe
Knowing you said things you didn't mean
Only because of the drinks-
And begging myself to believe that.

Sometimes I shake away the good things
Simply because they are good,
And I've felt so much good
I want to know what bad is.
The truth my wandering eyes escape
Seems glaringly obvious in the daylight-
The bad is not good, it is wretched.

Still, I'm at this place
That only I've brought myself to.
Standing on the borders of capabilities,
Yet unable to cross in either direction.
Toward knowing deterioration,
Or a pure sense of empty accomplishment
Neither of which pulls me.

It seems I'll walk the tightrope
For a little while longer,
Lest my gravitational fate
Allow my free-fall to end in a landing.