Apr 2017
I awoke, but not as usual, I opened my eyes, but I wasn't facing my bedroom wall, I wasn't under the comfort of my blankets, I was not on my bed. I was laying on my bedroom floor; I was restless. I must've slept all night long, but my body didn't feel like it had any fresh energy, I could feel an intense pain in my stomach, as if someone had poured acid down my throat. I sat up, I was wearing only my underwear, like usual; but I had blood all over my chest. I looked to my left, and on the floor sat the bottle of pills I hid behind my computer, completely empty.
I heard knocks on the door, it was my mom's voice telling me it was past 12, when was I going to get up. She'd walk in and see me covered like this, she'd think something's wrong with me, she would finally want to take me to a psychologist. But I couldn't let her see me like this, I forced my body up against my aching stomach, "I'm awake", I yelled, but she kept on knocking, I could hear her getting the spare key from under the rug, she began unlocking the door. I had to do something before she saw me, I reached for the dead bolt knowing she didn't have a key for that one, but it was too late, she walked in.
"I can explain" I said, I began talking but her eyes never stopped to meet mine, she stared directly at the empty bottle of pills on the floor; the floor, was covered in blood. She screamed when she realized my bed was empty, music played from my phone, -I hadn't heard it until this moment-, almost as a perfect background. I kept talking to her but she wouldn't hear me, "Mom I'm sorry, please stop ignoring me", but she wouldn't even look at me, she opened my closet door, and stared at something I couldn't see, she fell to her knees and began wailing. I walked towards my closet and found, myself.
"But how?" I yelled, I'm right here, I could see my body, covered in blood, I laid there with a tie around my neck, my mouth covered in saliva; "Momma I'm right here momma!!!".
But she never turned around, I tried hugging her, but my arms just ran through her. I couldn't even remember what made me do it, I was sad, but I didn't know why. I had tried it before, but I would always end up chickening out, what must've been hurtful enough to make me do it; why would I do it! She began calling 911... she just sat there, -it felt as if time stopped for me-. The ambulance arrived, I tried telling the paramedics I was right here: Maybe they could hear me, maybe someone would tell me this was just a prank, maybe I'd wake up staring at my bedroom wall; but no matter how many times I closed and open my eyes, it was still the same sad scene.
They picked the body up and put it on a stretcher, the medic checked for vitals, but he just stared at my mother's eyes, "I'm sorry", he said. They walked out of my room, and my mom followed them holding... holding MY hand, I couldn't deny it any longer, the person going into that ambulance was me. I screamed and I hollered, but they never returned, "I did it", I thought. I stood there all alone, crying. Suddenly a dark figure stood on the doorway, she raised her long thin fingers, extending her bony palm towards me; I held it,
I was no longer.
I heard knocks on the door, it was my mom's voice telling me it was past 12, when was I going to get up. She'd walk in and see me covered like this, she'd think something's wrong with me, she would finally want to take me to a psychologist. But I couldn't let her see me like this, I forced my body up against my aching stomach, "I'm awake", I yelled, but she kept on knocking, I could hear her getting the spare key from under the rug, she began unlocking the door. I had to do something before she saw me, I reached for the dead bolt knowing she didn't have a key for that one, but it was too late, she walked in.
"I can explain" I said, I began talking but her eyes never stopped to meet mine, she stared directly at the empty bottle of pills on the floor; the floor, was covered in blood. She screamed when she realized my bed was empty, music played from my phone, -I hadn't heard it until this moment-, almost as a perfect background. I kept talking to her but she wouldn't hear me, "Mom I'm sorry, please stop ignoring me", but she wouldn't even look at me, she opened my closet door, and stared at something I couldn't see, she fell to her knees and began wailing. I walked towards my closet and found, myself.
"But how?" I yelled, I'm right here, I could see my body, covered in blood, I laid there with a tie around my neck, my mouth covered in saliva; "Momma I'm right here momma!!!".
But she never turned around, I tried hugging her, but my arms just ran through her. I couldn't even remember what made me do it, I was sad, but I didn't know why. I had tried it before, but I would always end up chickening out, what must've been hurtful enough to make me do it; why would I do it! She began calling 911... she just sat there, -it felt as if time stopped for me-. The ambulance arrived, I tried telling the paramedics I was right here: Maybe they could hear me, maybe someone would tell me this was just a prank, maybe I'd wake up staring at my bedroom wall; but no matter how many times I closed and open my eyes, it was still the same sad scene.
They picked the body up and put it on a stretcher, the medic checked for vitals, but he just stared at my mother's eyes, "I'm sorry", he said. They walked out of my room, and my mom followed them holding... holding MY hand, I couldn't deny it any longer, the person going into that ambulance was me. I screamed and I hollered, but they never returned, "I did it", I thought. I stood there all alone, crying. Suddenly a dark figure stood on the doorway, she raised her long thin fingers, extending her bony palm towards me; I held it,
I was no longer.
