I think too much about you--
in the morning; when i roll over
into the pillows stacked on the right
side of the bed where I no longer sleep
(but I will)

and at night, 'cause for a moment I
was using alcohol to lessen whatever
need be lessened but now I can't
stand the thought of forgetting that way,
or forgetting at all
so at night I open my blinds and
leave the door unlocked--praying
things will heal and that this will buff out
(and it will)

there are things that I don't even know
that i worried about, things i never
asked or thought to ask because they
cut too deep--i shouldn't have to ask
if i knew, but that's just the thing, isn't it?
we had never seen these sides of each other
whether they were the
worst or not, both terrifying and hurt
better out than in,
i'm not sure what he thinks of me now, but--

he doesn't answer and I realize that maybe that is the answer--
the, no, i'm not good enough anymore, not after all this.
so i woke up this morning and made my bed,
called my dad, washed the dishes, put up my hair
and
      continued
        

   on.