You can get addicted to a certain type of sadness
And me, sometimes it consumes me
Sometimes it is the only place I know
It’s a place that does not allow me to grow
A place that praises wet pillows
A place where I feel all my deepest pains as if I were receiving them for the first time
The heartbreak of years ago, like a fresh cut wound that strangely enough
Heals, but gets cut open again
I feel the pains on my brown but pale skin
The knife in my heart coming out for just a second to show the rest of my body what this type of pain feels like
Find peace! They told me.
I tried to find peace in other human beings, but they didn't have any for me, only for themselves
They pushed me away in annoyance, I felt guilty, who did I think I was? ******* the peace out of everyone I met?
maybe they have seen the darkness I always try to hide and God I admit, it’s not pretty
“I have to go” they always say, leaving me alone to fight my demons…
Those who like me are those who don't understand me.
So I crawl back, back to myself,
and the demons come out
and the stitches snap open
and my wounds gape at me, leaking from them bits and pieces of me
and the pains resurface
and I’m not at peace
and I'm not happy