Emptiness fills my attitude
Passiveness consumes my mind
It's not hatred, it's not rude
My behavior just is not aligned

Standards say I shouldn't care
And shouldn't have any respect
And if I were more an *******
I'd be less dry, and much more wet

I might be thirsty, but exchanging fluids
Takes a pretty strong connection
I stare down a mellow cup of tea
And for tonight, this is affection

The weather's nice, so I survive
When the sun is shining bright
Then, when I am so alone,
The vitamins and sights feel alright

It's only when behind closed doors
And out in streets or eateries
The moon comes out, the groups come out
And I'm alone, respectively

From my perspective, there are two.
The pursuers and the pursued
I beg for love, beg for time,
But who even are you?

Who are you to control me?
Why is there no other choice?
What events led you to have
Complete power over my rejoice?

I wasn't taught that I am nothing
And that no one would seek me out
But yet, from one night to the other
I have my time, and then my doubts

It's clearly all my own **** fault
This isolation, my one undoing
Should I disrespect women more?
For men who do seem never pursuing

But yes, it's true, I must confess
There is a wall that cuts me out
I must love all and give respect
And that, I could really do without

For if this wall would tumble down,
Oh, how much more I could relate!
What if I was much more like you?
What if I finally learned to hate?

And just add in conformity
And then castrate my eager parts
I'd become a social butterfly
And master this illusive art.

But ****! I love myself so much.
I should have put that off, and asked,
"Yeah, sure Nick, you're pretty cool,
But do you want to face the task

Of being alone for being too eager
And being too prideful to change?
Do you want some lonely nights?
Do you want to come off as strange?

Do you want to come off as deranged?
A fool who loves people he just met?
Can you bear the isolation,
Can you bear the empty bed?"

...must be that I took this deal
Without reading all the fine print
Must be great to be repealed
But I am not, so I lament

And yes, I'm blessed, and I hate myself
For wanting what I do not have
And taking what I have for granted
And granting myself the right to be sad

Because I'm so lucky to be here
I'm so lucky to have this life
But there's connections all around me
And my lack causes only strife

Sorry me, I can't just change
I can't devolve to fit the role
I wish I could, I'd love to do it
To accomplish this social goal

But shut up!
You have yourself.
People die before 20 a lot.
Please shut up, please go to bed
And just forget and be forgotten.