He’s got a bagel on his head, Not a Cornish Pastie, nor a slice of bread;
Not a Singin’ Hinny, nor a Bacon Roll, Not Bedfordshire Clanger nor Toad-in-the-Hole;
Black Buns from Scotland pass him by, No Jammy Rascals, nor Stargazy Pie;
No Bakewell Tarts, and no Teisen Lap, No Apple Dumplings adorn his cap;
No scones from Devon spread with cream and jam; Just a crispy bagel full of cheese and ham.
Bagels are the coolest, bagels are the best: Up with the bagels and down with the rest. Onwards and upwards, long may it be said: He’s got a bagel on his head.