I wrote down my sister’s name
I erased it
I couldn’t stand the curves of the letters
It looked like phlegm caught in the back of your throat

After her husband died
She mourned
In a way so foreign to me
And conflicting to the way I needed her to mourn
My heart broke and she carried the pieces home with her
Held them next to hers, I thought
And the countless other broken hearts
We all mourned so severely
I thought she’d hold the pieces close for warmth
But our portions of heart were swept under the bed
Which she now shares with a new man

Ryan’s death should have been about him
But it took less than 2 weeks for it to be about her new boyfriend
My sister
Went from “widowed” to “in a relationship”
In 36 days.

When we were 5 and 6
We created theatrical productions on our trampoline
We performed them for our neighbors
I just want to write to everyone
And tell them to erase the memories
Forget my smile
Forget my silly voices
Forget the dandelions I threw at my sister when she bowed
My sister would not take my heart and throw it like a ****

I do not know this person
Who no longer identifies as widow