i couldn't help
but do it--
gently take
offshoots and
cry, hidden between
sanctuaries
over the lilacs
i'd forgotten
how truly sweet
i am, not cloying--
imperceptible until
close, i am tired
of forgetting who
i am i shouldn't have to
be reminded of something
that is inherently me
like the lilacs off the
road, I am angry but
that is not a stone-cold
truth, I am not going
to meet with them years
from now and say  i am still the same
because I will not
I will bloom like I have said before
and will say again, I am struggling
and lost-- I can feel it in extraordinarily
deep ways but I cannot cry over lilacs
and be
as cold
as they
say.