it's been a rollercoaster ride.

and the negativity associated with that
is not due to the lows that followed the highs,
the pain in my neck when taking sharp turns,
or the screaming banshee in my ear,

they are instead due to the fact
that i've only ever coasted,
locked in, auto-pilot,
top gun, eyes ahead,
the thrills and the relief,
the exaltation and release,
they were all under control,
of outside forces.

i thought it would be fun,
reached the height that was mandated,
and rose closer to the sun,
than ever thought possible.

in hindsight, i'd rather
recall our jokes about
the awkward sweating faces
of those queued up for hours,
as we lay in the shade enjoying
ice cream,
funnel cake,
eye contact.