How do I express how this feels..

Returning from adversity self imposed
From a dissatisfaction of my results perhaps
Or a sense of stagnancy
Or the clock not giving me what I want

There was old scars too, with emotion ebbing underneath
Strange how such sugar coating
Should taste so bitter in hindsight
At the old image such interconnections showed
Maybe the stain wasn't so vivid in her eyes

The week was hard
I worked hard despite the need to not to do anything at all
Each time I dragged myself away I gave myself a trivial little gift
But it was hard to keep it all in

I opened myself, just enough, to a friend
When another couldn't be there
The prowd man didn't want to, thought it weak
And he could have handled it on his own
But maybe he realises something
That he doesn't deserve pain anymore

As I see the subtle nuances of the return
Smiles from friends silently concerned
And my confidence flow in the face of juvenile *****
I'm reminded of the strength I've earned

Sometimes I fall under old truths of self
Aspects that may always be there to glue my feet
But now, with these new eyes
This new sculpture of a man
And the depths of my mind, tongue and brush
Flowing so freely
The old truths fit in a greater landscape

One where strength
And more importantly optimism
Prevails