i want everything to be the way it was.
i want to pretend again-
that your eyes didn't sing to me each time they met mine,
and maybe then- it would have gone away naturally.
i want to pretend that it didn't **** me that you chose to put away your pride to belong to someone who has never seen your light.
and pretend the light wasn't just a reflection of the person I wanted to see in you.
i'll pretend that the things I watched you do weren't purely just your fingers pulling on the strings of the hearts of those who chose to see only that beauty in your smile.
and i'll pretend that i haven't thought about you every day for the past four years- wondering what reckless thing you'll do to your soul next.
and that every time you got sick, I wasn't worrying about whether i should step in to help you because I didn't want to cross any unspoken boundaries.
i want to pretend that he didn't look at me like a bomb threat- and that the things he did were not pure evil.
i want to pretend that you thought of me as family, and that you treated me as so.
i want to pretend that i truly mattered to you. not only when it was late at night and you were thinking of putting yourself in harms way
and not only when he wasn't treating you like the goddess I believed you to be.
i want to hug you, and pretend that i feel warmth in your embrace.
i want to see you, but i never want to look into those eyes again.
no, never again..
because instead of enjoying the melodies I once heard
i'll be revisiting memories of sounds that once made me sway.