Where is the divide between what we owe people and what we owe ourselves?
My conscience say no,
my beliefs say yes,
my mouth says no,
you say yes.
My body is undecided.
I listen to the people in my mind and they tell me everything I already know...
Because despite years of living with myself I still am unsure and hesitant.
Don't misunderstand me;
the affection I hold for you is far too great for me to contain,
but it is also not enough to make this easy for me.
The women inside me are bickering
and loving
and protective
and supportive.
But I don't know how to encompass them all.
They are erratic and silent
and when they look through my eyes, all that people see is the confusion
and the fear
Sometimes they mistake it for bordem and I don't know why.
How can anyone be bored with all these footsteps walking through my memories?
Through my thoughts,
through my fears;
the emotions sticking like sap to their barefoot soles.
I am no more than these whispers and screams inside my mind,
but these girls and women are strong
and vulnerable
and ready to give themselves up while holding their own forms with white knuckles and bleeding crescent moons dug into purple veined skin.
The cages that we build for ourselves are made of fear.
The cage I have constructed for myself grows smaller and larger with every shuddering breath I take,
it's form is about as consistent as my wavering beliefs and foregoing decisions.
My shaking hands trace unfamiliar planes and I don't want to close my eyes just yet.
The room is dark
There is no ticking clock;
the silence breathes life into those whispers on the other side of my ear drums,
they bang tunes upon the stretched skin and howl at the moon like men not yet born anew.
The cage collapses inwards
as the darkness under my eyes drags towards my feet,
the tiredness leaking into my bones through my porous skin.