In the present, this old beast of internal exploration filters in
Spattering the present self with stains
A person I was sabotaging the person I am
Or at least that's how it feels
Strange how in a time filled with extroverted explosions
The real detail of the piece
The real road of the journey
Occurred internally, with none but myself to truly see it
My friends were desperate to help the friend they feel they wounded
But all they did was add to the tonnage of the explosives
It was me who was so intent on pressing the ignition
It would mean a lot if they could know that
Yet shame sinks and the proud flawed man stands tall
Making proof of strength
Achievement and philosophy
More important to show to them all
Than communication of pain
But I have a friend who helps with that
A professional relationship sure
But you can't teach honest compassion like that
She cares about me despite seeing what I'm ashamed of
And having the northern hemisphere's supply of chocolate
Delivered to her house, along with a hug and a smile
Would just about show how grateful I am
I still have work to do
I glorify the old days
Speaking of things that shook my life to the core flippantly
In denial of the depth of connotations
Maybe because when things were good, they were groundbreaking
Expansion of consciousness and a dream of how things could be
If science just proved it
It made me numb myself to the searing cancer
Infesting me for so long
When it comes to what I want to change
They're just stories
It should be simple enough to teach myself
As stream of consciousness flows
Crafting self in abstract terms through sound waves
To let go of the stories that show who I was
I know that's that not who I am anymore
It's not the person I should show
I'm already good at what I do
This vessel of what I think is right
This tool of craft in visual and intellectual forms
This telescope pointed to the things I want from life
I need to grow more and be one with the present self
But I'm sure I can do it
I'm already someone I thought it impossible to be
Making him better shouldn't be too hard