Hollow

I kissed boy two on boy one’s birthday
and felt nothing at all
his hand was on my neck
but it felt like air
his lips were on mine
but it felt like ice
our fingers were tangled
but it felt as insignificant as holding
my own

I would open my eyes
and see him lost with his shut
with his breathing heavy
and his hands wandering
Losing himself the way I had before
(The way I’m afraid to now)

It felt like I was the only one there
I wonder if it’s because
boy one hollowed out all
my nerves and the tender parts
of me that could feel warmth