The only times I'm not alone are when my heart and mind are both dwelling on the things of the Lord
I've spent the large majority of my life shutting off my mind so my heart won't feel
To avoid fear and being overwhelmed by it emotionally
The hardest part is forcing myself to think through all of it
To turn on my mind so the emotion can wash over me
(All my flesh wants is to sleep and drink alcohol, to not think and to not feel)
The things that would help solve my problems are the stark opposite of my fleshly desires and habits
So...to address where my heart is..
The things I want, I want for the wrong reasons
My heart is too easily swayed by being denied those things
In the end, I don't know what it is that I truly want or really even need
I feel empty
I guess that's kinda the point though
Being brought to the end of myself so the Lord can fill me