You hear my every thought,
My every prayer,
My every cry of anguish-
Or so I have always believed.
You are a God of justice,
And mercy,
And love.
You promise me rest from
This world's burdens.
Yet this is denied to me.
I asked for light in the darkness,
Pleaded for peace in chaos,
Wept for an end to this unbearable pain.
On my knees, tears streaming, I entreated;
*"Bring me home, Lord.
I am too exhausted to fight this endless war.
Please, I want to come home!"*
And I heard a whisper;
**Not yet.
It is not your time,
There is still far more I have in mind
For you.
You cannot see it now,
But there are blessings to come
Far greater than you can dream.**
And with this frail hope
I trudged through
Week by week,
Taking it a day at a time,
Sometimes surviving only hour to hour.
And here I am once again,
Agony enveloping my heart.
Salt water stinging my eyes,
My body wracked with sobs,
Choking back screams.
You are the God of justice,
And mercy,
And love.
You promise me rest from,
This world's burdens.
Yet you curse me with this affliction,
Disguised in a strong embrace,
A heart-melting smile,
Warm, brown eyes,
Three, single syllable words.
I love you
I shake uncontrollably.
I desperately gulp for air.
I can't think
Over the clamor
Of my own heartbeat.
I am not here,
This is not happening,
This is not my life.
*Can you say it back?
It would mean a lot to me...
I know you do...*
My thoughts roar with the words,
My heart beats to their rhythm,
My soul sings their melody,
Every fiber of my being screams it.
You are God of justice,
And mercy,
And love.
You promise me rest from
This world's burdens.
I am sure that You love me, Lord,
With all that You are,
Yet I cannot fathom
How this man holding me
Could even begin to love me
When I can't even love myself.
*Why me? Why love me?
How could you possibly love me?
You deserve someone better,
Someone good,
Someone beautiful,
Someone whole.*
Lord;
If You are justice,
Then why give me this punishment?
If You are mercy,
Then why am I captive to my past?
If You are love,
Then why am I so terrified of being loved?
If You promise me rest from
This world's burdens,
Then why can't I let myself be happy?
You hear my every thought,
My every prayer,
My every cry of anguish.
So I desperately fall to my knees again,
And throw myself completely into You,
Praying that someday You give me the strength
To make myself weak
And say to him
Three, single syllable words.
I love you