i was laying in bed with one of my closest friends
and we were talking about the 1-10 pain scale.
He said 'even if it's the worst pain, it's always a 9. you could get 100 on a test and you'll only be in the 99th percentile. there's always something more, even at 10 being the most.'
and i've thought about this,
in depth,
and i think i've felt a ten.
like when i missed my niece birthday party and had to watch her blow out the 4 shaped candle over facetime.
when i missed my nephews concert, and they sent me an invitation anyways.
when he said 'i love you, but i'm not in love with you anymore'
or now,
with you,
wanting you but knowing i can't have you
that's my 10.