There's the kind of pain
That's sharp and acute
And the kind that throbs
And the kind that aches
And the kind that burns
And the kind that's like a blow to your soul
Many things can cause this pain
There's the physical damage that something can do to you
There's the emotional distress that the world can cause
And there's the overwhelming,
Shred yourself to bits,
Heart wrenching
PAIN
That you can cause yourself.
And it's not even your fault
You would gladly love yourself
And care for yourself
And smile with actual feeling behind it
But you can't.
It's not your fault
That the voice in your head tells you
You're not worth it
You're not enough
Nobody cares about you
Nothing would change if you were gone
It manifests itself in your heart
Pushing and pulling
In the trembling of your body
In the tears streaming down your face
In the scratches your nails leave on your skin
In the ache from pulling your hair
In the throbbing in your head
In the pain in your jaw from clenched teeth
And in the sharp jagged pieces
From where you fell apart.
It's hard to push it down when you have to
And hard to bring it up to anyone
But god I want to feel again
And not just pain and sadness and loneliness and distress and desperation
I want the excitement of another's gaze
The full throated laugh when you're with friends
The pride in your own accomplishment
The soft caress of sunlight on my face
The love of someone's attention.
I sleep too much
I walk too slow
I cry much more
Than you'll ever know
Because life hurts.