one night I remember
laying on my balcony
staring at the stars

I was very sad
I usually am in retrospect

I had spent a whole day
maybe a few days
feeling like I felt absolutely
nothing
& let me tell you
I wouldn't wish that on
anyone
but after that letter
there was just nothing left
to feel for a little while
you know?

maybe you don't
hell, I don't even know
if I know
that was years ago
& I have a ****** long-term
memory

but I remember I kept that
letter for a couple years
got ****** and tore
it up one day
after I had stopped looking
at it for a good while
there are some things you just
don't need to see for a
forty-seventh
time


you can never get
too lost
if you don't have anywhere
left to go


anyway, I'm losing track
what I was going to talk about
was how ******* cold it was
the night I was laying on
my balcony
it was mid-September
& there was this light chill
to the air that was just enough to
shake your bones
& I laid there and I was
crying
but the stars were so
beautiful
& I was angry with myself
for not enjoying them
& loving the life
that was graced unto me


whenever I get there
cold cold balcony crying
I light a candle
& think of home
think of you
think of all the love
you got
that you're too coy
to share



whenever I get there
at least I know
I got you
too