You've been hiding out inside of me for six weeks now
Playing dormant
While I played dumb
Bean sized bundle
Cells,
I tell myself
Cells
I tell my cells
I'm sorry
I don't know
If you would be benign
Or cancerous
To the me that does exist
Call it selfish
(At 19 years, I'm no philanthropist)
I know
Bean cell bundle
You are a part of me
But
Now it seems
Loss lurks at either exit
For if you stay
A part of me goes
The young heart that yearned for the harbors of far shores
You would possess it instead
The mind
Imagining futures brimmed with possibility
Unstoppability
Would then fumble with responsibility
(There are days I slide alongside time
Up hours past the alarm
Don't feed myself till supper
Bean bundle
I could offer you existence
But I can't say it would be any good)
What if I offered your existence up?
Stats say 8 years would go along before someone would call you their own
8 years
Old enough
To wonder what could've been
And why
Your life looked nothing like the tv sitcom smiles
Feeling a heaviness in your heart
They say
If you see a suffering animal you have to put it out of its misery
Well you haven't had the chance to suffer yet
For the quarter inch of you cannot feel pain
Preemptive maybe presumptive
Fate may have fondled you with joy
But
The world is not often this kind
And
Though a part of me will go with you
Crying,
Bleeding
A corner of my heart away
I'll do my time
wondering,
what could've been,
And why
But
I can't bring you into this world
If I know
It may serve you only strain
Bean sized bundle
Of cells
My cells
Whatever part of me you may have come to be,
I choose me
I'm sorry